Tuesday, November 22, 2011

On Intimacy: The last words of a man in his 20's

I had been wanting to write something every day for 30 days leading up to my birthday, but I found the writer in me couldn't help but to edit and revise and not free flow and just spill what's on my mind.. thus.. I think I published only.. twice..

However what's on my mind recently has been intimacy, and today I saw my friend Mihai post something from Osho in Intimacy and felt I needed to write out in a free flow process without editing my final thoughts of this decade on just this topic: Intimacy.
  If trust is asked, you are being enslaved. But if a trust arises in you, something superhuman is growing within your heart. The difference is very small but one of tremendous importance: asked or ordered, love and trust both become false. When they arise on their own, they have immense intrinsic value. They do not make you a slave, they make you a master of yourself because it is your love, it is your trust. You are following your own heart.
I think about these things all the time.. and I don't think I'm alone when I desire trust or love so much that I make the mistake of asking for it at times.

"Trust me."

"Do you love me?"

It's so hard desiring such a trait in those you keep close, but knowing you'll never be able to know what they're actually feeling towards you.

Trust and love are almost interchangeable. How can you have love without trust? How could you have trust without love? You can love another as a friend, but I'd warn against saying 'love' to the opposite sex, as trouble can arise.. it's better to keep your friends just your friends, and to also not water down the word nor give a false hope to those that may feel 'love' as lust towards you. Love and trust, as one and the same, I'm saying is the love of a friend.

That said, love and trust is something that grows over time. You can trust someone to know your phone number, even someone you just met.. later you may trust them enough to be alone with them in public places or perhaps pick you up from the airport.. later you may trust them to be alone with you in private places such as your house or theirs.. then you start telling them your secrets.. secrets about yourself or perhaps even others.

Ah.. and that is where you start to get in trouble.. trust.. love.. did you find you gave it out to the wrong person again?

You can never know how much a person can be trusted with, and I'm sure everyone has at one time or another gave their trust or love to someone that shouldn't have been trusted. I'm sure everyone has trusted someone that has hardened their hearts to others, making trust harder to give out to the next person.. then the next.. and the next.. until you get to the point you SAY you trust someone.. SAY you love someone.. but really.. do you?

How does this relate to intimacy?

Intimacy is trust. High levels of trust.. trust with your feelings towards that person, becoming open to rejection, trusting with your mind heart body and soul.. all of this exposed and put into their care giving them the ability to hurt you on all those levels.

Sure, you can be physical with someone and block them out of your heart and mind.. not let them glimpse into the true nature of your character or into your soul.. you can JUST have sex.. but that's not intimate to me.. and was it JUST sex? One side or the other one of these people always thinks or hopes there was something more there.. no matter what they may say..

I seek someone to fully trust, like a friend.. my best friend.. someone that I trust above all others.. someone that I can connect with first without thinking of the future or 'love' but just forming a relationship with like I would anyone else. That is the start to who I would want to trust with my life. Love. Marriage. Not from a fling that hooks me up with them, but from a friendship that will last a lifetime with or without being together in an intimate way.

Intimacy would then become the next step. This is the trick to a true life partner.

Now Osho has many great gems, and although I'm not a follower of his, nor even believe all he was teaching, I'll pull from another of his books: Being In Love
  If your intimacy is helping you to grow and become mature then it is positive and good and healthy, wholesome.
  Intimacy means that there is no privacy.  You don’t carry anything private now, at least with the person you are intimate with, you drop your privacy.  You are nude and naked--good, bad, whatsoever you are, you open your heart.  And whatever the cost you pay for it; whatever the trouble you go through with it.  That brings growth.
  If you are growing more and becoming an individual, if life is happening more to you, if you are becoming more open, if more beauty is felt in existence, if more poetry is arising in your heart, if more love flows through you, more compassion, if you are becoming more aware, then the relationship is good.  Carry on. Then it is not a marriage.  Then it is intimacy.
  Relating means you are always starting, you are always trying to become acquainted.  Again and again, you are introducing yourself to each other.  You are trying to see the many facets of the other’s personality.  You are trying to penetrate deeper and deeper into his realm of inner feelings, into the deep recesses of her being.  You are trying to unravel a mystery which cannot be unraveled.  That is the joy of love:  the exploration of consciousness.  And if you relate and don’t reduce it to a relationship, then the other will become a mirror to you.  Exploring the other, unawares you will be exploring yourself too.  Getting deeper into the other, knowing his feelings, his thoughts, his deeper stirrings, you will be knowing your own deeper stirrings too.  Lovers become mirrors to each other, and then love becomes a meditation.
  Let your woman be your mirror; let your man be your mirror.  Look into your partner’s eyes and see your face; move into your partner to know yourself. Then one day the mirror will not be needed….then, transcendence happens.
  In fact, the more you know, the more mysterious the other becomes.  Then love is a constant adventure.


I have said before they are interchangeable. However again I have to point out that it is dangerous saying the words to someone of the opposite sex.

I've lost many friends I trusted and loved as a friend.. just by saying, "I love you."

It stirred desires within them, made them want more than friendship.. those that said they could handle it I became intimate with and soon found over and over that when someone says they can have JUST sex.. one side or the other is thinking something different. Lines are crossed that you can't pull them back from, and friendships are lost.. friendships you thought would last your whole life.. trust was broken because they thought your love meant being with them forever, and just them.. no matter what is said one side or the other is not being honest.. it's NEVER 'just sex'

It's because of this that I leave my 20's behind with a few other things as well.

I leave behind ever telling someone of the opposite sex that I love them. This I will save for the person that first becomes my friend.. then my best friend.. and finally the person I trust the most.. this I save for the one that I feel wants more from me, and I find I do as well, and it stirs within us both linking us together.. perhaps after years.. but until then friendship and trust is all that I seek.

Don't ever try and find love, this is where you will always find trouble.

Find friends and people you can trust. You'll soon find your love is right there next to you.

For your friends, the same attitude applies.. as it does for you. If someone is your friend they shouldn't be your friend just for the hope of you loving them one day.. and if you are someone's friend you better not be hoping for more one day. This can only bring hurt and disappointment. Just be free, live your own life separate from others, appreciate those that join you in your journey but don't try and force someone to attach to you.. you can't control anyone but yourself.

I also leave behind ever sleeping with anyone. It brings trouble and friendships are lost. How can you reclaim the trust and lifelong friendship from someone that wanted you and thought they were going to have you? Things never are the same if they DO continue to talk to you, and even worse is when you lose that friend forever.

I leave behind kissing anyone on the lips. Making out. Things I wouldn't do with just a friend. Why confuse the relationship when all you want is friendship? I hope everyone considers the confusion they cause in others when they do these things with those they just want to be their friends.

Be mindful of the messages you are sending to others.

I was close to many in my 20's.. I lost many friends and potential lifelong friends that way.. but as I leave my 20's behind I feel I will leave these things as well, and seek instead to form better friendships and trust with those around me. By doing this I will find my life partner and lover.. it will be simple.. they will be my best friend right beside me. I'll also find those around me I can trust are there just as my friends and nothing else. This is what I hope for.

I'll spend time over many years trying to heal the relationships hurt by this sort of confusion. I only hope others I talk to can be convinced of this:

Risking a lifelong friendship isn't worth a night of passion.

I'll leave you with a final link that grants another excerpt from Oslo's Intimacy:

"Inside, you think one thing; outside, you express something else."
I challenge you to say what you really want, especially with the people you trust and call your friends.. if you have a lover then I challenge you to be this way even more with them.. for you should trust your lover more than any friend.. they should be your best friend.. the first you want to tell things, the first you want there when you cry.. and the easiest to express exactly what you think on the inside.

If you hide what you truly think from someone, you do not truly trust them.

Without trust, there is no love.

Just a final flow of words from a man in his 20's.

- Patrick Haugen

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Let me tell you something about friendship..

It's hard to know who your real friends are.

Throughout life you meet people. Some of those people you get along with and some you do not.. either way they all contribute to your life for better or worse and shape your memories whether you like it or not.

Just don't focus on those that do harm.

Take things as they come, learn from people even if the lesson hurt you, but don't make the same mistakes twice.

Let me tell you something about friendship..

Friendship is a term used loosely, and it seems our modern culture has lost the desire or perhaps ability to discern between friends and mere acquaintances.

From the past near thirty years of being social and active in public, meeting not just a few select groups of people but mingling with dozens of various social groups that don't even mix, I've found many different people enter my life and only a few I can really call my friend.

Most people that I know, and that you know, are mere acquaintances.. but that's FINE.

Trouble usually comes about when you meet someone and introduce them to your 'friends' and inadvertantly point at a few select people in the room the new person then assumes knows everything about you..

That new person then goes around, talks one on one to your 'friends' but really.. some of them were just acquaintances, and don't REALLY know you that well at all.

So here is someone you just met talking to someone that barely knows you and just assumes everything that person is telling them about you is true..

I think you can imagine where troubles may arise. False thoughts about you are shared. Things spread..

Let's take it another route.. true 'friends' aren't those people that just post 'happy birthday' on your Facebook wall once a year.. they're not just people that say hello to you in public, go out in groups with you and laugh at your jokes.. the person that fits that bill could be ANYONE that is social that you have even just met, and could know nothing about who you really are and still fit that place in your life. That's not a friend.. let's bring back the term 'acquaintance' and separate out what makes someone your friend.

Friends don't just talk to you during the good times, but also the bad times. They don't ignore you when times are tough and instead reach out to you even when they sense something is wrong. They care about YOU and it shows.. they want to help you through life and not just use you for something.. that something can be as simple as someone to share a laugh with in groups, have sex with, or to access things you have ability to help them with.. be it car help, computer help, car rides around town, or anything else you can give them or help them with.. you'll know these people because they'll KEEP asking for that thing you can give them over and over.. but bail when you need them for something. I'm sure you can relate.

My advise after decades of experience is to beware people that use you for something under the guise of friendship.

You'll know your true friends because they will be around and there for you needing and wanting nothing in return.. they'll be there for the bad times not just show up for the good times..

Friends don't ignore your texts and phone calls. They don't try to avoid you when they know you're going through tough times. They don't smile at you then talk behind your back. Friends are hard to come by, those that really care, want to see the best for you, and aren't using you for anything at all.

Sometimes it takes a rainy day to see who comes to help dry you off, and until then it's hard to tell.

Friendship is rare.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Well that was fast..

September was one of the worst months I've gone through in my life.. October was even WORSE as it turns out, and I don't even know how I made it while maintaining any shred of myself intact having to make my public persona smile with every ounce of willpower in me.

That sort of constant draining of energy trying to act like nothing is wrong while holding pain inside really breaks down things that make you who you are.. fun.. happy.. charismatic..

November was supposed to be different. This was supposed to be MY month.. the end of one decade and the start of another.. pretty big landmark in one's life.

This was the month I was waiting to clear the slate, make everything right, to feel great each and every day during these last few days of my 20's and ready to enter my 30's with the energy and spirit to further take on the world for the next 10..

That's what I thought at least.. and I made it ALMOST a full day until it all came down again. Two months of suffering and I honestly believed it was leading to some sort of light at the end of the tunnel..

Things started good as I got a new iPhone4S 64GB and found iCloud from iOS5 was able to backup my old iPhone4 32GB instantly in the Apple Store and restore down to the new phone in minutes.. everything exactly as it was on the old one with all settings and apps perfectly in sync. Pretty slick.. playing with the camera that bests point and shoots was nice, playing with Siri.. all good! Then on top of that I found my old phone sells for $400 on ebay and so the 'upgrade' payed for itself. Not bad :D

Then I had a nightmare leading into November 1st.. I dreamed I was living life and no one was fighting for me, my friends didn't turn out to be friends at all, just casual acquaintances who really didn't want to help or hear about my troubles, and girls I met would like me, say they love me, then when I turned away for a second they were with someone else, even with people I called my 'friends' and these girls never even fought for me at all..

I awoke and realized that this wasn't just a dream, but the worst parts of my recent life still haunting me.

Unresolved pain from the past, betrayal, lies, hypocrisy, losing friends, constant heartache, being replaced..

I went into November 1st trying to shake off my nightmare and my past pain it pulled from.. nothing mattered and I was going to LOVE every day of this month no matter what.. then I saw two great movies Puss in Boots and In Time.. wonderful films and I took my mom as I used to do every Tuesday at Regal for $6.. haven't seen her in a while so I was feeling good!

Then it hit.. the EXACT same things from the past again, unresolved issues far out of my control. Nothing was right again.. and well..

That was fast.

We'll see how November 2nd goes.. but I'm going to focus on a few things..

First, I'm going to make a post a day for 30 days detailing things I've learned these past 30 years on Earth, sharing my thoughts and wisdom to others hopefully guiding anyone that reads from making mistakes I've now come to find easy to avoid in life, and steering them towards better things.

Second, I'll be blowing off some emotion via workouts I'll post on Facebook that anyone can follow along with, but since I've had a few people ask me how to get in shape the last few months.. I think making a November workout public and pointing them to it as well as sharing it with others can help the most people possible.

So.. enjoy my next 29 posts and take what you can.. those on Facebook look for my workouts every day and I challenge you to follow along..

Hopefully from my pain you can make your own life better.


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Forgotten Memories

This post is timely actually, but let's set things up first..

You see, around Sacramento, CA where I live there are Regal Theatres (http://www.regmovies.com/) where every Tuesday movies are priced at only $5 all day and popcorn is also $2.

Side note: Tuesdays are actually great days to go out around here and take a date, because great restaurants like Zocalo (http://www.zocalosacramento.com/) have 2 for $20 deals (a common thing on Tuesdays), and lower end places like Rubio's have deals like $1 fish tacos, or like Baskin-Robbins have $1 scoops.. but maybe this information should be shared in a different post.

So a typical Tuesday I take advantage of all the deals, and usually end up taking my mom out on Tuesdays to see a movie, have dinner, get ice cream, and watch The Biggest Loser (http://www.nbc.com/the-biggest-loser/).

What's interesting is how my mind has become over time, and how I lose memories. In fact, my friends and family often tell amazing stories about me I completely had no idea about. Tonight's movie was supposed to be 'Unknown' but we ended up seeing 'Limitless' which is why this post is timely - quite the movie that sums up how my mind often works.. the ups AND downs unfortunately.

Looking at the silver lining, those black spots in my mind again make for the interesting times where friends and family tell me stories about my life I had forgotten.

Tonight, a few quick ones from my mom.. these things I didn't really forget per se, as they would be early memories which I think many people don't have.


First, my birth.. just saw the show One Born Every Minute (http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/one-born-every-minute) tonight for the first time so this is what triggered these stories from my mom.

I was born at the Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Center (http://www.hollywoodpresbyterian.com/en/) in Hollywood, CA - destined for a stage life I'm sure - and my brother was born at the very upscale Cedars-Sinai (http://www.cedars-sinai.edu/). I'd be jealous but just wait.. I get to spend years in the place later in life.. we both weighed 8lbs at birth.

When I was born, every time my mom pushed my heart would stop. Then they found I had a 'True Knot' for all nine months and it was surprising to them I even survived to birth. Dr. Cook - who delivered both me and my brother - exclaimed on birth, "It's a boy.. no.. a boyscout!" However it was to make light of a very dangerous situation.


When I was still a baby, but a little older, my mom would push me around stores in the shopping carts and I was apparently happy like most babies. However one day she gave me a piece of candy, and kept going about her business until she looked down and I was still happy as can be sucking on some candy but completely red and covered in hives, struggling to breathe. Apparently she threw me in the car right away and went to my grandparent's house (rather than the hospital because you know.. these were the old days of yore) where my grandparents knew it was an allergic reaction but my mom had already thrown the wrapper away.


Fast forward a little bit for the next story, but first setting the scene, I'll just quickly point out both my parents worked and were taking different shifts so that as soon as one got off, they'd hand me to the other as they rushed out to go work themselves.

My mom was working and my dad was with me mostly during the day at this point, and apparently something was going wrong, and I was getting sick. My mom just thought it was a three day flu, and on the second day my dad was worried but my mom said to wait one more day.. few hours later he then called her from the Ross-Loos hospital to come down right away..

I was apparently down a hall in adult ICU because of the complexity of the situation in a glass room with dozens of doctors around me where I stayed for a while. My mother describes coming up to the glass room, yelling my name and the people parted to reveal me with various tubes in my body and being told something about complete respiratory failure.


Apparently I was always a medical marvel of survival. There is so much more with drowning to death and resurrection, hernia, more issues, et cetera..

I find it all fascinating.. especially the part where my mom says I was in a hospital for so many years at the start of my life nonstop. So much I apparently asked one black male nurse if he was my dad. I was also drugged for all these years so it may explain a lot as well in regards to the memory thing.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Love of Their Life

I can't compete with the love of their life.

I won't compete.

I've been in relationships where they had a past crush or love that never was fully realized or that they have held a torch for. It's not fair.

I've been told about past flames and when I asked a bit more I've been told things like they live too far away now, they're in a relationship, etc.

What that REALLY means is that if the person moved close or broke up with whoever they were with and expressed interest then I'd be left. Straight up. Black and white facts here.

If the love of their life dumped who they were with and then came back, I'd be the one left in the dust.

What's with past flames? I hate it. When I hear the phrase 'the love of my life' from someone I'm with and they're not talking about me (they never are) then I start to connect the dots. I grow weary.

It could be a rough time in our relationship the 'love' comes around, then I hear about it after a one night stand, or perhaps I catch a phone call where they are planning it. Happened a few times to me and really perhaps I'm just cursed when it comes to relationships.

Look everyone, if someone broke up with you then why still think about them? They left and things won't work out. Don't ever get back together with someone that leaves you. It will happen again and again and again..

Perhaps it was great sex so it's something that's forever desired and becomes a constant cheat when they call you at 3am and the person you're in a relationship in is out of town..

The solution is to let it all go.

Forget about the past, I mean why when you say to your significant other 'I love you' can you be truly honest if you're holding onto others in your heart or the true desire for 'the love of your life' who is clearly NOT this person in front of you?

Be true to yourself and never let your definition of love weaken. When you say 'I love you' then you better mean it with all your heart and not have someone in your heart you're holding onto stronger..

It's not fair to the person you're with. End the relationship if this is the case, go talk to 'the love of your life' and quickly realize things won't work with them, get over it, and stop carrying emotional baggage that can harm all your future relationships. Perhaps things do work out.. either way you're happier.

Some people are able to stay virgins until the day of marriage. Never had an outside desire for another sexually but guess what? I've met girls like that whom still had 'the love of their lives' out there.. a relationship from the past that they still think about. Virginity doesn't exclude them.

You have to get over these people from your past to be able to fully love someone you're in a relationship with.

I'm not heartless.. when I'm with someone and get to the point I actually say I love them.. I mean it. From then on I always will love them and they'll always have a piece of my heart.

What scares me is that I'm running out of heart to give.

One thing's for sure.. I make sure to try and wipe out all feelings of wanting those people anymore before getting into another relationship. It's only fair.. and I've learned a lot but I know this is the best way.

Why can't I be the love of someone's life? How about that? No, it's always a relationship where they talk about someone else as the 'one' or 'love of my life' or 'the one that got away.'

I hate it. I want to be that one. I'm sure that would make the perfect relationship.. we're both each others soul mates.. the love of each others lives.

I'd like that.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Reflection on Musicals

Yesterday wrapped up the Runaway Stage Productions (RSP) Cinderella musical.

Whenever a performance I'm in ends, I look back and see what I've learned, see if it was worth the time invested for the payout (cash, skill, or enjoyment) received. Reflection like this is beneficial after you've done almost anything in your life. It even works for relationships.

As my friend Jeannie would say, "Is it worth it?" Ask yourself that.

For example, you can ask yourself: Was skydiving your first time worth your money? Scuba diving? Going to Disneyland? Reflection after the event leads to your future participation in life.

It was with RSP's Cinderella that I realized I'm not doing ensemble at a community theatre again. Perhaps ever.

When you're inexperienced with the stage, ensemble is a great opportunity. You get a taste of the rehearsal process, what costumes are like, stage makeup, and what it feels like to perform in front of hundreds. For me, I'm well beyond that point. My first stage shows were early in life before I had the chance to know what 'stage freight' even was, and so it was all pretty simple from there. Except singing, but that's a story for another time.

In Cinderella I met a great guy in this cast and Randy had never danced before, not even at his wedding! He hadn't done stage in a long time, and was learning and growing a lot with RSP and in the ensemble. His dance choreography was the same as mine so it was pushing his limits, I helped out a lot, and it was a great experience for him.

However unfortunate for me, my dance choreography was the same as my new friend Randy's. What pushes and helps one to grow can actually just bore another.

For Cinderella, I looked at my growth in a few ways.

Dance: No growth, nothing pushing my limits.

Music: No solo lines, simple baritone harmonies chosen, no mic, very simple music with few lyrics.. no growth.

Acting: Being a puppeteer but with complete freedom, this acting was just me playing around and doing it my way the whole time. Complete freedom led me to not grow in acting, and it was a completely silent show for me with no lines.

Looking back, I would have grown more if I spent the time with a ballet company and did some of my own choreography and pushed my dancing a little. Or perhaps I joined up with a puppet play for kids with lots of lines and expanded my acting a little. Or just had been taking private vocal lessons this whole time.

It boils down to a lack of growth.

Sadly there wasn't much for me with Cinderella and like all shows at RSP, I was asked to come do the audition for this show so my heart wasn't ever in it to start with. Two months is a lot when you're growing. Two months is asking far too much when you're not growing at all.

Really whenever a guy is asked to join a musical/ballet even if their heart is not in it and they do it to 'help' they sure get mixed up with the people who are there because it's what they actually want to do and people quickly forget about the guy in ensemble who is there just because they needed some men.

I've been in many productions (not at RSP, they're actually quite good) where I was brought in because a guy was needed and then a week later being treated poorly because 'it is a privilege to be in this performance' mindset hits. Sad but true, male dancers are needed in ballet and musicals but rarely treated with the mindset of 'oh this guy is here just to help out and doesn't really want to be here.'

Being the Dove in this show actually saved my sanity. It was fun making things up every night with a puppet in hand to see what worked best, and Chris Cook's puppet was top quality.

End result however is that I am done with ensemble. I need something to grow in to make it worth my time.


People have asked about my involvement with RSP's next musical, Curtains.

I was asked to come audition at Curtains, so again my heart wasn't there to start, and I gave little effort in order to make room for anyone that was auditioning that actually wanted a part.

One difference with Curtains is that I filled out the 'role auditioning for' portion of my audition card for the first time ever in my life. I filled it out asking for a part with many lines so I could actually act and then checked the box for 'will not accept any other role.'

I was offered a part, and what confused me was it was the role of 'ensemble' which was exactly what I didn't want to have (as outlined above in my experience with RSP's Cinderella).

Regardless, I went to check it out. Fun music, simple choreography yet very aerobic and exciting, really not bad. I was still waiting for clarification on my role due to the fact I was under the naive assumption my request I put on my audition card was being respected. The people were fun, the choreography and music was fun, I didn't know what I was doing there but soon started to care less thinking perhaps I was brought in as 'ensemble' because they needed a good male dancer (some of the people in the show weren't really dancers).

This assumption (and again proof we should NEVER assume) was shattered when a new person was brought in and in one night shown some choreography I'd been doing for a couple weeks and then given parts in dances I was doing.. INTERESTING I thought to myself and brought up my audition card issue to be given back a 'role' with three lines. Almost felt like a slap to the face.

Cinderella introduced me to a few new friends, however sadly I could have spent the two months in various dance communities making friends I wouldn't part with after our last bow and would know and dance with for a long time.

If there is a lesson to be learned from my experience, it is to only seek opportunities that lead you to personal growth in an area, and to never assume.

Oh and also when someone asks you to go audition for something, politely decline. If you wanted to audition, you'd have gotten involved before someone asked. Walking into a show to 'help' only leads to bitterness. Also respect and thank the men that you bring into a ballet or musical.. when I was never thanked for joining a show to help out, it was quite lame.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Gaming on the Mac

10 years ago I laughed at the Mac.

Back then it was all about Windows gaming, consoles were weak in comparison, and Mac had nothing.

Now? StarCraft 2 beta on Mac and Steam coming on May 6th makes it hardly laughable.

Mac is greater than the PC, and has been for a while.

Hardware components are hand-picked and drivers in the OS only need to support a handful of Apple-specific devices. That's the true power.

Combined with a Unix backend starting with OSX, XCode for every language (PHP HTML CSS even), and Adobe CS5 native Cocoa 64-bit, gaming was the last piece of the puzzle.

Mac wins. May 6th.

Heck, even Windows is better on a Mac (Parallels, VMware Fusion, Boot Camp).


I suddenly realized tonight - after completing a weekly website update 11p-12:30a then going out into the streets of downtown Sacramento to get some food and exercise - that most of what I talk to people about is often repeated.

Many times I'll have researched a new widget in a vast machine of knowledge that combines with my previous experience and write up notes for myself that I share with someone.. then another.. then another..

Blogs are SO much better. Sharing, linking to my previous thoughts, etc.

I've also realized tonight after seeing drunken girls in heels faceplant (2) get into fights (3) and walk around drunken and barefoot (countless) that I have no hope in finding a nice girl to call my own. Seeing girls all over downtown stumble around drunk and making out with random dudes, get in their cars and drive home with them just makes me fear for my HEALTH.

Back to the original point, more blogs to follow, and the ease of it comes from my final point which is the iPad.

I find I never use my laptop for portability. Trade shows, meetings in my building's lobby, going out to do work at lunch, sitting in the car, nothing beats a 3G iPad with its 10-hour battery.

Laptops are the new desktops. iPads are the new laptops. You can't walk and compute with a laptop.