Well that was fast..

September was one of the worst months I've gone through in my life.. October was even WORSE as it turns out, and I don't even know how I made it while maintaining any shred of myself intact having to make my public persona smile with every ounce of willpower in me.

That sort of constant draining of energy trying to act like nothing is wrong while holding pain inside really breaks down things that make you who you are.. fun.. happy.. charismatic..

November was supposed to be different. This was supposed to be MY month.. the end of one decade and the start of another.. pretty big landmark in one's life.

This was the month I was waiting to clear the slate, make everything right, to feel great each and every day during these last few days of my 20's and ready to enter my 30's with the energy and spirit to further take on the world for the next 10..

That's what I thought at least.. and I made it ALMOST a full day until it all came down again. Two months of suffering and I honestly believed it was leading to some sort of light at the end of the tunnel..

Things started good as I got a new iPhone4S 64GB and found iCloud from iOS5 was able to backup my old iPhone4 32GB instantly in the Apple Store and restore down to the new phone in minutes.. everything exactly as it was on the old one with all settings and apps perfectly in sync. Pretty slick.. playing with the camera that bests point and shoots was nice, playing with Siri.. all good! Then on top of that I found my old phone sells for $400 on ebay and so the 'upgrade' payed for itself. Not bad :D

Then I had a nightmare leading into November 1st.. I dreamed I was living life and no one was fighting for me, my friends didn't turn out to be friends at all, just casual acquaintances who really didn't want to help or hear about my troubles, and girls I met would like me, say they love me, then when I turned away for a second they were with someone else, even with people I called my 'friends' and these girls never even fought for me at all..

I awoke and realized that this wasn't just a dream, but the worst parts of my recent life still haunting me.

Unresolved pain from the past, betrayal, lies, hypocrisy, losing friends, constant heartache, being replaced..

I went into November 1st trying to shake off my nightmare and my past pain it pulled from.. nothing mattered and I was going to LOVE every day of this month no matter what.. then I saw two great movies Puss in Boots and In Time.. wonderful films and I took my mom as I used to do every Tuesday at Regal for $6.. haven't seen her in a while so I was feeling good!

Then it hit.. the EXACT same things from the past again, unresolved issues far out of my control. Nothing was right again.. and well..

That was fast.

We'll see how November 2nd goes.. but I'm going to focus on a few things..

First, I'm going to make a post a day for 30 days detailing things I've learned these past 30 years on Earth, sharing my thoughts and wisdom to others hopefully guiding anyone that reads from making mistakes I've now come to find easy to avoid in life, and steering them towards better things.

Second, I'll be blowing off some emotion via workouts I'll post on Facebook that anyone can follow along with, but since I've had a few people ask me how to get in shape the last few months.. I think making a November workout public and pointing them to it as well as sharing it with others can help the most people possible.

So.. enjoy my next 29 posts and take what you can.. those on Facebook look for my workouts every day and I challenge you to follow along..

Hopefully from my pain you can make your own life better.

FML