Valentines Day Breakup

I hate spending Valentines Day alone.

It's a symbol, much like the day is a symbol of love, being alone on this day is a symbol of being unloved.

I thought the feeling of being alone on this day was the worst you could experience. 24 straight hours of reflection on why exactly you're spending it alone makes for some serious heartache.

There is worse out there... like someone breaking up with you on Valentines Day. Do the seven stages of grief apply to breaking up? I've felt myself shifting through more moods then a moose! Okay so I made up a comparison there that makes no sense, but I blame my situation and I deal with everything I hate using humor.

I was in love, still am in love which is worse then that, but have the respect to honor their decision and I'm not going to be selfish and try to pull them back or try to thrust myself into someone's life that wants to be rid of me. Plus that's embarrassing for both of us.

They made promises, said they'd love till the end, plans for the future and a hint at something big on March 15th, so many promises! I can't even think of it all right now, perhaps I'm wrong for trying to think about this while it's so new, but I've tried to commit to them before and the next day they wanted to end it after flirting with someone else at a party.

Was I stupid? I asked them full out again on Monday spending the morning finding flowers, clipping them down and forming a small cute 'grip' going to school, waiting till class started to come in, stop things and in front of everyone ask them to be with me.

Later, they said they could have never said no to something so sweet, and if they did they'd have embarrassed themselves. So if everything happens for a reason is the only reason I get out of this to never ask someone to be with me in public because they'll say 'yes' even if in their heart it is a 'no' to save on embarrassing themselves?!

I don't know why I went through commitment to have breakup so soon after ON VALENTINES DAY but with what happened before I should have expected it.

They had problems with their family concerning being with me since they live at home. They hinted at moving out, moving in with me, running away to Reno, getting married, but all just talk I guess it was. Crazy talk perhaps. Perhaps I'm going to be better now?

I don't really enter into commitments, so this was a huge step for me. Seriously. Perhaps the lesson is I need to do it more? Commit more? Well I did and it got me three days and a Valentines Day breakup.

That's cool, I feel good about writing this, I realize my mistakes now and I should have gotten the hints the first time around.

Learn from my mistakes:
1. If someone leaves you only to come back, DON'T TAKE THEM BACK.
2. Don't ask someone to commit to you in public, THEY WILL SAY 'YES' JUST TO SAVE ON EMBARRASSMENT.

So. I'm actually taking some deep breaths here, that helps... hey, if you ever get left on valentines day DO THAT... yeah... deep breath.

Okay I'm back to the 'anger' so I'll end this here.